Dear BP…

Make it stop. Please.

Recent Failures

Since I recently learned that my sense of humor cannot be interpreted through a blog post, I’m adding “be funny” to my list of fail ship moments.  Here are some others on the list:

• That one time I took a shower with my socks on
• Love Boat, the goldfish that only lasted a week
• All those other goldfish I’ve killed
• Hand-eye coordination
• Avenging the Jews by slaughtering millions of Nazis
• Dying my hair purple
• Getting a driver license by the time I’m 16
• Avoiding sunburn
• Becoming the first black president of the United States
• When I beat up Rihanna
• Waking up at a decent hour (before noon) everyday
• Becoming Asian
• When I caused that oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico
• Breaking my addiction to peanut butter crackers
• The time(s) I slept with Tiger Woods
• Using my inside voice
• That one time I’d tried to be funny by ranting about the word “sup”

-M