Dear BP…

Make it stop. Please.

Recent Failures

Since I recently learned that my sense of humor cannot be interpreted through a blog post, I’m adding “be funny” to my list of fail ship moments.  Here are some others on the list:

• That one time I took a shower with my socks on
• Love Boat, the goldfish that only lasted a week
• All those other goldfish I’ve killed
• Hand-eye coordination
• Avenging the Jews by slaughtering millions of Nazis
• Dying my hair purple
• Getting a driver license by the time I’m 16
• Avoiding sunburn
• Becoming the first black president of the United States
• When I beat up Rihanna
• Waking up at a decent hour (before noon) everyday
• Becoming Asian
• When I caused that oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico
• Breaking my addiction to peanut butter crackers
• The time(s) I slept with Tiger Woods
• Using my inside voice
• That one time I’d tried to be funny by ranting about the word “sup”

-M

Tales of a teenage worker bee

As I thought ahead to my summer a couple months ago, I saw things like hitting the pool and listening to loud music; I just planned to skate through summer like I had done so many times before and just “have the time of my life” (just like I’d vowed to do every summer before). That, however, is not how my first couple of weeks of my summer are going.

My summer, while still fun and exciting, isn’t allowing me to kick back poolside and hang out with my friends 24/7 like I initially intended, due to the fact that I have entered the work force. I recently got an internship on a local political campaign and this new experience has been quite an adjustment for the girl who’s work experience only consists of working at the family photography business and occasionally dog sitting for a teacher on the weekends. I have found myself plunged into a world of office buildings, schmoozing, and “business casual”, and the whole experience has not only taught me many things very quickly, but also has given me quite a few stories to tell. These stories aren’t just about me, they could be about anyone in their first “real” job with a boss, a desk, and new and interesting co-workers. Just picture yourself, a awkward teenage girl entering a whole new world.

To begin our specific tale, let’s look back to how exactly I got the job. All I pretty much did was sent on my resume to some family members, have a couple of phone conversations, go in for a ten minute interview, and suddenly I had a summer internship.

While my first week at “the office” has been going fairly well, I am still pegged as “the new girl” and, even better, “the sixteen-year-old”. I am still the girl who doesn’t quite know what she’s doing, the girl who needs extra assistance with EVERYTHING, the girl who trips over phone cords that brings the ringing device crashing to the floor, and the girl who is the only one there when the air conditioner breaks.

So tell me, when does it get easier to navigate? I can tell this is something I like, the work is amazing, and I have already met incredibly interesting people, but when does the awkwardness subside? When is it that a simple, awkward, teenage girl will fit in in a corporate world? I guess we will just have to wait and see…

-C

Sup?

Because I’m a teenager, I hate to admit this: I don’t know what “sup” means.  Now I sound incredibly stupid, but I’d like to know who, if anyone, knows what the word means.  According to Urban Dictionary:

sup
	A term that cool people use because they are too damn lazy to say What’s up. (Too much effort involved there man.)

While this entry makes “sup” seem so simple, the second entry slightly changes the meaning by making it a question.

	sup
	A contraction of the phrase “what’s up?”

I just want to know whether “sup” is a question.  I understand that homophones are often easy to distinguish based on the context in which they’re used.  However, “Sup!” and, “Sup?” are used in the same context.  This has troubled me for years.

Frankly, I’m a socially awkward person.  If I mistake a statement for a question and start talking about my day, it’s awkward.  If I assume a question is a statement and don’t answer, it’s awkward.  Perhaps it is just me, but I don’t think I’m the only one plagued by the damned duplicity of the word.

However, there is a logical solution for this. This may be too drastic of a change, but I want to eliminate “sup” from the English language.  While this may take years, it’s the only way to lessen the social anxiety that today’s younger generations face. I’m depending on you (yes, YOU) to help initiate this change.

First, you need to remove the word from your own vocabulary.  Begin substituting “What’s up?” instead of the interrogative form.  Or if you’re feeling audacious, ask, “What’s going on?” although that might sound a little severe.  If you prefer the alternative form of “sup,” use a simple “hello,” “hey,” or even a nice “howdy.”  Any of those are a straightforward improvement to the godforsaken “sup.”

The next step is altering the diction of those around you.  If you aren’t brave enough to criticize a peer each time “sup” is mentioned, begin by asking which form he had intended to use.  Eventually he’ll get annoyed by hearing, “Was that a question ‘sup’ or not?”  You’ll condition him to be more specific in no time at all.

Achieving complete “sup” annihilation won’t be easy, so I’m not even going to try to pretend it will be.  It will take about eight liters* of dedication, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.  If enough people will enlist in this anti-sup movement, we can raise awareness among inarticulate teenagers.  YES WE CAN.

*I’d also like to push the metric system on Americans.  That will be the next goal.

Caffeine withdrawal sucks.

I went three days without coffee.  WORST THREE DAYS OF MY LIFE.  Well, I’m exaggerating.  But still. That whole “break my caffeine addiction” goal thing?  Not working.

On the bright side, today was the first Friday of the month.  First Fridays?  Hell yes.  Most of the time, I think Kansas City is pretty lame.  First Fridays, however, make me love this place.  For anyone who doesn’t know, First Fridays happen the first Friday of every month (how ironic?) and are pretty much parties in Crossroads (the art district).  GO THERE.

Tonight, the Quixotic dance company held a performance, and it was absolutely incredible.  All of the music was live, and the musicians were lively and interacting with the dancers the entire time.  Some of the acts featured breathtaking aerialists (think Cirque du Soleil), and at one point the singer even joined in with a flaming hula hoop.  The non-profit company will be performing their full show June 17-19.  I highly encourage anyone interested in contemporary dance to attend.

This weekend finishes up Gay Pride Week in KC, so I hope I’ll head down to Power & Light at some point.  The majority of my friends are out of town right now, so I’m not really sure what to do with myself…

Speaking of being out of town, I’ll be going to New York in a few weeks.  Can anyone suggest places I absolutely need to see?

Now I’m going to go peel some more skin off my back (damn sunburn…) and watch A Beautiful Mind again.

Love and stuff. -M